Going on dates is an integral part of building a romantic relationship. As you get to know someone, sharing experiences together allows you to determine compatibility and build emotional intimacy. While every couple has their own dating journey, there are some common themes and best practices that can optimize the dating process.
The Purpose of Dating
At its core, dating aims to achieve a few key goals:
- Get to know someone on a deeper level
- Determine compatibility and interest in a long-term partnership
- Build trust, intimacy, and emotional connection
- Have fun and make memories together
Dating involves spending intentional one-on-one time with someone you’re interested in romantically. This time builds a foundation for a healthy relationship by facilitating open communication, meaningful conversations, and shared activities. While chemistry and physical attraction may be initial draws, relationships thrive on deeper compatibility.
Different Types of Dates
Dates can take many different forms depending on your interests, budget, and availability. Consider mixing up the types of dates you go on to keep things exciting and learn different sides of your partner.
Here are some popular date ideas:
| Date Type | Example Ideas |
|---|---|
| Active dates | Hiking, kayaking, indoor rock climbing, mini golf, bowling |
| Artistic dates | Museum, art gallery, photography session, dance class, music concert |
| Playful dates | Arcade, amusement park, carnival, county fair, escape room |
| Learning dates | Take a class, go to a lecture, visit a new neighborhood, try ethnic cuisine |
| Relaxing dates | Picnic in the park, beach trip, couples massage |
Making the Most of Your Dates
To ensure your dates help build a healthy relationship, keep the following tips in mind:
- Choose activities you both enjoy – this will support positive associations with each other.
- Discuss meaningful topics to foster emotional intimacy. Share childhood memories, life goals, core values, and future visions.
- Balance conversation with listening. Avoid interrogating your date and make space for them to share at their comfort level.
- Stay present in the moment. Put phones away and don’t get distracted by others around you.
- Express gratitude and appreciation for your date. Thank them for spending time with you.
- Plan some activities in advance but leave room for spontaneity too. Going with the flow shows flexibility.
- Offer to alternate planning dates so both people invest effort into the courtship.
Setting the Stage for Exclusivity
Dating multiple people casually at first is common. But if you find yourself really connecting with one person, it’s important to communicate your desire for exclusivity before the relationship progresses. Here are some tips for navigating the shift from dating around to a monogamous relationship:
- Bring up the conversation organically when you both feel a connection forming. Avoid ultimatums.
- Speak from your own emotions rather than assuming theirs. For example, “I really enjoy spending time with you and can see this going to the next level.”
- Ask how they envision a relationship unfolding. They may be on the same page or need more time to decide.
- Discuss what exclusivity means for both of you in terms of emotional and physical boundaries.
- Highlight that you respect their decision either way. The goal is open communication, not pressure.
If you’re both ready for an exclusive and committed partnership, congratulations! Now the fun really begins as you continue strengthening your bond.
Handling Nerves before a Big Date
It’s completely normal to feel excited but anxious before a date with someone you really like. Here are some tips for managing jitters:
- Take deep breaths. Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts. Repeat until calm.
- Exercise earlier in the day to work off nervous energy.
- Voice your concerns to a trusted friend. Talking it out can help.
- Give yourself plenty of time to get ready without rushing.
- Listen to uplifting music and give yourself a pep talk.
- Remember dates are meant to be fun! The right person will help you relax.
While it’s great to be excited, don’t psych yourself out. Dates are all about seeing if your connection in person measures up to the one you feel when messaging or talking on the phone. Give the real-life interactions a chance before deciding if there’s relationship potential.
Determining Date Location
Where you go on a date helps set the tone. When deciding on a location, keep the following in mind:
- For a first date, choose a public place so you both feel comfortable.
- Pick a location convenient and accessible to both parties.
- Consider an activity you’ll both enjoy like a cooking class or mini golf.
- For later dates, stay home and cook dinner together to get cozy.
- Think about the vibe you want – do you want to go out dancing or have a picnic in the park?
- Factor in the weather. An outdoor concert in the rain likely won’t be ideal.
You want the location to facilitate good conversation and interaction. Places that are too loud or distracting won’t allow you to connect. Get creative with date ideas and tailor them to your personalities.
Balancing One-on-One and Group Dates
One-on-one dates are crucial for building intimacy in the beginning. But as you get more serious, integrating group dates can be fun too. Double dates or outings with mutual friends allow you to see how the other person interacts in social settings. Guideliness for group dating:
- For the first 5-10 dates, focus on solo time as you establish the foundation.
- After committing to exclusivity, start joining each other’s friend groups.
- Organize a double date with another couple you’re both friends with.
- Meet their family once you determine long-term potential.
- Split time between group activities and cherished alone time.
Finding balance allows you to nurture your one-on-one connection while integrating your relationship into other areas of life. Enjoy experiencing new things together as a team.
Making Time for Weekly Dates
It’s easy to get caught up in work, family, and personal obligations. But research shows consistently dating leads to higher relationship satisfaction and lower chances of splitting up. Set a cadence for dates that works with your schedule. Some options include:
- Pick one weeknight for a reoccurring date night. Treat it as immovable on your calendars.
- Have breakfast together one morning per week before work.
- If weekends are busier, carve out a few hours during the day on Saturday or Sunday.
- If possible, get a sitter and have an overnight date every 2-3 weeks.
- Splurge on a fun activity you’ve both been wanting to try.
Prioritizing consistent couple time demonstrates your commitment to nurturing the romantic bond. It also gives you both something to look forward to during busy spells apart.
Incorporating Surprise Dates
While recurring date nights build consistency, surprise spontaneity also keeps things exciting. Here are some ideas for unexpected dates to delight your partner:
- Take them out to breakfast in bed on a free morning.
- Book tickets to a concert or show you think they’ll love.
- Kidnap them for a mystery drive to a destination like the beach or mountains.
- Plan a fun themed night like an at-home spa date or casino night.
- Splurge on a hotel staycation with couples massages.
- Leave little clues guiding them to find a gift like a scavenger hunt.
Thoughtful surprises show you listen to what excites them. It also demonstrates effort and care beyond routine dates. Keep track of things your partner mentions in passing that spike their interest – then turn it into a surprise date!
Low-Cost Date Ideas
You don’t have to spend a lot of money on dates for them to be meaningful. Some cheap but creative date concepts include:
| Indoor Dates | Outdoor Dates |
|---|---|
| Cooking a meal together | Nature walk or hike |
| Board game night | Stargazing picnic |
| Watching a movie at home | Visiting a public garden |
| Virtual museum tour | Swimming at the beach |
| Recreate your first date | Frisbee or volleyball in the park |
| Give each other massages | Drawing/painting outside |
| Rearranging furniture together | Photography session |
| Cookies and wine night | Flying kites |
Some of the most memorable dates involve quality time over spending. Get creative with free and low-cost activities you both enjoy.
Choosing Date Outfits
What you wear on a date depends on the activity and what makes you feel confident. For first dates, err on the side of casual. As you get to know each other, incorporate more dressing up. General outfit tips:
- Wear clothes that fit well and flatter your body type.
- Pick neutral colors for first dates then expand into bolder choices.
- Aim for tidy and put together. Wrinkled or ripped clothes give wrong impression.
- Do minimal accessories and jewelry. Avoid anything distracting.
- Smell great with a signature scent – just don’t overdo the perfume/cologne.
- No need for high heels or uncomfortable shoes on active dates.
- Stay true to your personal style. Don’t dress like someone you’re not.
Your outfit choice demonstrates self-awareness and that you took care getting ready. Prioritize looking and feeling confident over current fashion fads.
Initiating a First Kiss
Wondering when to go for a first kiss? Take cues from these tips on navigating the right moment:
- Let the chemistry build naturally over a few dates before moving to kissing.
- Make sure your partner seems comfortable with increasing physical touch like hand-holding.
- Pick a quiet, private moment rather than a super public display.
- Verbally ask if you can kiss them or say something equivalent like “I’d really like to kiss you now.”
- Go slowly allowing them to pull away at any time.
- Keep it brief and somewhat innocent at first – no need to use tongue right away.
- Smile after and gauge their reaction before deciding to do it again.
A first kiss marks an exciting new milestone in dating. But go at their pace and leave them wanting more by not overdoing it right away.
Recovering From an Awkward Date
Even with the best intentions, some dates are…awkward. Issues like uncomfortable silences, acting distant, boredom, or rude waiters can derail the night. Try these tips to recover:
- Crack a lighthearted joke – laughter diffuses tension.
- Change locations to shift the vibe.
- Communicate openly about what’s feeling off.
- Turn the focus to learning more about each other.
- End the night early if needed. You can say you don’t feel well.
- Follow up with a message about having an off night but wanting to try again.
- Remember first date jitters can heighten awkwardness.
Don’t write someone off after one awkward date – unless they demonstrate truly concerning behavior. Everyone has off nights. Give your connection a second chance to develop.
Making a Great First Impression
You only get one chance at a first impression. On a first date, aim to come across as:
- Confident: Good posture, eye contact, firm handshake.
- Positive: Smile, upbeat tone, lighthearted banter.
- Interested: Engaged listening, thoughtful questions.
- Polite: Use manners, avoid crass language.
- Appropriate: Standard greetings, no sexualized compliments on appearance.
- Present: Limit checking phone, give them full attention.
First dates represent a clean slate to showcase your personality. While nerves are normal, don’t let them make you appear aloof, bored, or disinterested. Smile, relax, and let the real you shine.
Determining Compatibility Early On
The early dates are all about assessing baseline compatibility. Look for these signs of potential goodness of fit:
- You enjoy similar activities and have overlapping interests.
- Your values and life goals align.
- You laugh at each other’s jokes.
- Communication flows easily with minimal awkward silences.
- You feel energized, not drained, after time together.
- You comfortably discuss deeper emotions and opinions.
- You consistently have fun together.
While no couple is perfectly matched, these positive indicators suggest you relate well. Pay attention to any frequent clashes too.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries create the structure for a strong relationship. On dates, implement boundaries around:
- Time: Don’t accept last minute date cancellations without good reason. Value your time.
- Exclusivity: Don’t tolerate cheating or sleeping around. Require monogamy.
- Abuse: Walk away at the first sign of manipulation, gaslighting, or physical aggression.
- Respect: Expect kind treatment. Name-calling, insults, and condescension are unacceptable.
- Pace: Take things slow if you want. Don’t let others pressure you into physical intimacy before ready.
Healthy partners will honor your boundaries. Breaking them repeatedly is a red flag. Stick to your standards from the start.
Curating Your Online Dating Profile
For online daters, your profile equals your first impression. Strategize it to attract the right matches:
- Lead with 2-3 recent photos showing your full body and face clearly.
- Write an honest “About Me” highlighting positive traits and interests.
- Share your values, dreams, passions, and deal-breakers.
- Use words that describe specifically who you are versus generalities.
- Showcase your personality. A little humor helps you stand out.
- Change up questions you answer to cast a wide net.
